Sharing my insecurities

Hey guys disclaimer- again this is very personal.

I just wanted to share with you all some of the insecurities I have and how I've actually been feeling lately. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, it's not meant to at all. Basically my first insecurity is I feel like everyone judges me because I'm big, my weight for me is a huge insecurity. Excuse the pun. I've had people in the past in primary and secondary school actually bully me because of my weight so that's probably one of the main reasons. I'm not gonna go into too much detail as to what they actually say that makes me feel insecure about my weight because that's too deep and I feel like I'm already sharing a bit too much with you.

I'm sure some people have the same insecurity about their weight. There are some people who wish they were bigger, or at least curvier so in fact what I see as a bad thing someone actually wants and sees as beautiful. There is a message to this whole story and blog and I'll come to that soon.

My other insecurity that I don't think I even share with my family or friends is the fear that I'll never find 'true love' because I'm not good enough. I know that doesn't really count as an insecurity but for me it does. The reason I say this is because it stops me from getting to know a guy I like who might actually like me back because of the fear that he'll never love me. First of all, you should never go into any type of relationship whether friendship or romantic expecting them to fall in love with you straight away or love you straight away, because most of the time they don't and that take time as they get to know you.

My other insecurity is I don't like my arms at all. There's any actual logical reason why and there's a real sign that everyone can see as to why I don't like my arms but I don't think I need to go into that.
Also, believe it or not guys I have the fear that everyone I meet judges me on my looks and that's why some people don't like me. First of all, I shouldn't even be thinking that. Everyone at some point judge first on a person's look. It's something we all do and don't mean to do but it shouldn't stop me or you from making new friends or meeting new people because if they like you it's most probably because they like you for who you are and not what you look like.

This isn't really an insecurity but it's something I've been feeling lately. I've been feeling like my housemates have been talking about me. Like bitching, saying horrible things about me like I smell and I'm really unhygienic. One of the reasons I think this is because they never use the downstairs toilet that I mainly use. Because my room's downstairs it's just easier for me to use that toilet. However I think one of my housemates was using it and then for some reason stopped usin it. I believe he thought it was too stinky and dirty for him. I know that's a horrible thing to think but it's a thought I've had. Yes I know you're thinking why should I even be thinking that way? But it's something I do all the time. I always feel like people talk about me behind my back but I forget that their bound to. Their human too but I shouldn't let that stop me from being myself and living uni life to the fullest.

So yeah, those are a few insecurities I have that I wanted to share with you and I just wanted to let you who's reading know not to let your insecurities get the better of you and to just be yourself, and to love yourself despite your imperfections. To be honest I'm still working on applying that to myself but I'll get there and you will too. I've learnt that in life if you want people to love you or your future husband or wife to love you then you need to start by loving yourself.

Thank you for reading this blog and I hope it's helped you if you've got the same insecurities as me or at least some.

Love,

Roberta

Putting my emotions out there

Hey guys so this is my first proper blog. By that I mean not educational, its going to be very personal so if you don't like that then this isn't the place for you but if you do please keep reading.

I've actually been thinking about starting a blog for a long time but I just haven't had the courage to actually do it. I love sharing my personal experiences and emotions with strangers on the internet. You're thinking 'how strange!' Yes it sounds strange but I love it. It's like therapy for me. So today I want to tell you all reading about my feelings about the guy I really like, I mean I never really talk about guys with strangers but I'm going to because I feel someone will get something out of it. Who knows? Maybe you're going through the same thing and this might help you.

Well, I'm not gonna actually mention his name but I really like him and he goes to my university in the same course but in the year below, so his second year. Now I'm very aware that this does narrow it down a lot as to who it actually is so I might not say more than that. However, I've known him for a while now, almost a year and as I've gotten to know him I realised that I developed these strange strong feelings towards him and I couldn't understand why. I couldn't understand why because we're friends, getting quite close as friends as well so I didn't think I fancied him but I started realising I did and it felt weird. Every time I saw him and he smiled at me it was like I was melting into the ground and I got butterflies. Really?! I hardly feel that way towards a guy so it must have been special.

I tried not to think about it and forget about it but those feelings kept getting stronger and stronger as we met up more. We met up in a group of friends but every time me and him were talking it felt as though it was just the two of us. Is that weird or do you know what I mean by that? Basically where I'm at now is getting to know him more and getting to the point where I know if he feels the same way and finally telling him. I'm scared because I've been in quite a few situations in the past where I thought I really liked a guy and wanted to be with and he felt the same way and I'd tell him but it turned out he never felt the same way and it's been so awkward since then. That's why I've promised myself not to make the same mistakes again. I'm gonna take my time, not rush and make sure that I know he feels the same way before I make a move or better still, he might make a move. Thus saving me from embarrassment and our friendship being ruined.

Thank you for reading this blog post and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Love,

Roberta