So my blog has started in very personal way. I'm rethinking whether it should stay that way because they don't seem to be getting the right feedback or reaction that I was hoping they would.
This blog is gonna be about my faith with God and how I struggled with it at times so it's not as personal as my other blog posts are. I'm hoping that this touches and helps someone one there struggling with their faith with God to know that you're not alone. I've dealt with this several times and I'm steal dealing with trusting God fully and knowing that he knows what's best for me.
I've always been a Christian all my life and my family were born and brought up as Christians. However, I'm human and sometimes I get challenged and conflicts where my faith is questioned. For example, when I was younger I always used to wonder why my friends would always be going out and partying and be cool and I wasn't. Also I wasn't really allowed to because parties meant me potentially getting up to bad things like drinking alcohol or even smoking. I would never do any of those two things at that age. I'm talking around 13 years old. I personally didn't even want to be drinking booze or smoking because it just wasn't my thing.
Aside from the fact that my religion frowns upon getting drunk or even drinking at a tender age and smoking was even more of a no go area. Another thing I battled with and even thought about getting involved in because I just wanted to fit in was dating. As in getting into a relationship with A BOY! First of all the sight of boys made me sick and I highly disliked boys when I was around 13, with exception of my brother. I loved my brother and I still do but I just didn't like other boys. That's probably partly because I went to an all girls school until I was 16 so I just wasn't used to being around boys. It was so bad that I even told my babysitter at the time that I wanted to be a nun when I was about 11 or 12 which horrified her because she'd make jokes about hooking me up with her son.
Anyway, so I was a very innocent and naive child and didn't know much about those 'worldly' things I just mentioned. I was of the belief that I'm not of this world and I'm precious and holy and a child of God and therefore I shouldn't be getting myself involved with what most kids my age would see as normal.
Then suddenly when I turned about 14, from then I started being rebelling a little bit and that was pretty normal because teenagers do rebel. I started going to parties and talking about boys and being interested in boys. At some point I started thinking there was something wrong with me. This is because I'm from a culture and background where rebelling as a child isn't something you're allowed to do. At least for me personally.
Progressing onto currently how my faith has grown, as I'm now older and in university my faith has been challenged even more. Because of the influence of friends who drink, smoke and hook up with different guys which I've had to realise and come to terms with the fact that its normal at least in a university environment. That's what is trending for students and its a sad thing to admit but that's the reality of it. I did at some point go completely crazy and I mean I started getting on the band wagon and also doing these things. I went crazy! Even more than I did when I was a teenager. I mean, that time it wasn't even that bad. It was just normal teenager strops but this time it got to the point where I needed prayer, like I needed deliverance. I won't go into details of the specific things I was doing but it was bad. Really bad! I knew it wasn't me and those things I was doing weren't me but I still kept doing them.
That's when my family literally delivered me. Like I had to have deliverance from someone from church. That's how serious it was. I think you guys reading probably think 'oh it can't have been that serious!' Nah it was because it was as if I was possessed by the devil or at least some kind of satanic being because it was too bad.
Anyway, thank God and I'm so greatful to the good woman of God who helped me and didn't judge me like everyone else because now I feel I'm at a better place with my faith than I've ever been. My faith has definitely grown even stronger. I can now be real with God and actually speak to him like yoiu would to your father or your friend, knowing that He is always free and open to listen and will NEVER judge me for my mistakes because I'm human, I'm not perfect.
Thank you guys so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog and I hope this has helped someone out there who's going through this right now.
Love,
Roberta
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