The Hate You Give review

This was written two years ago but I didn't post it. I just got out of the cinema after watching The Hate You Give and at first I thought 'gosh this is another movie that stereotypes black people and mocks black people. To my surprise though, it was a very real life from the eyes of a black girl. I think it was based on a true story because it felt so real. I literally felt like I was in the movie. I might actually watch it again because I missed a lot of it. I think I fell asleep in between as I do watching a lot of movies. I definitely remember how touching it was and how emotional it was. I shed a few tears because of how much injustice towards black people was shown.

People think we exaggerate when we talk about how black people being treated more unfairly than other races but this movie proves that we're not wrong. I felt disgusted to see how easily a young black guy can be shot by a police officer just because they 'think' he's holding a gun. The most ironic and sad part about it is that the guy rhe police man shot wasn't carrying a gun in his hand. It was actually a hairbrush! But obviously he assumed it was a gun.

The sad reality of life is there are always gonna be racist people in this world,whether we like it or not. Its the way we deal with it that really matters. Some people are just racist for bo reason. In fact most people are racist without understanding the reason why. It makes me so sick but sadly its the world we live in.

I think we need to keep fighting for equality like the girl in the movie did even if it feels like it's not making any difference. One day it will make a difference.

How I'm feeling right now

I just decided to pour out my heart about what I'm going through right now when it comes to men and being in a relationship because one I need to vent and two I feel it might help someone.

I've always felt like I needed a man or needed to be in a relationship to feel whole. I don't know why but ever since I was 18 I felt the need to always be with someone. Maybe it's just something everyone that age goes through. 

Over the years I've really learnt to be content with being single because to be able to love someone genuinely I need to learn to love myself and I need to be happy with being with my friends and family. I've been single for over a year now and I've never been happier. I'm not gonna lie it's been really difficult sometimes because sometimes you just want someone to talk to other than your family or friends but I've been learning to talk to God instead.

I've struggled to love myself for a long time. I'm still on the process of learning to love myself so I feel I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet. Guys, I've been through so much with men and 'boys'. I say boys because they think their men but they're not because they are very childish. Literally I've been through the most when it comes to relationships. I'm always getting hurt in the worst ways possible that I always said after the breakup that I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore but I end up falling for a guy.

I'm learning to be happy being single and honestly I've never felt more happier than I am now. Maybe it's the fact of not having to worry about another human being more than I already do. I have my family to worry about so I don't need to add another person to it. Another thing I'm forgetting is that I'm still very young. I'm 24 which is I think is too young to be thinking about marriage. I got to a point recently where I felt really down and depressed because I was seeing some of my friends in serious relationships, getting engaged or getting married. I felt like I was missing out and it got me thinking deeper that there was something wrong with me and that's why I can't attract a good guy.

I just want a man who'll realise my worth and love me so much and respect me. To be treated like a queen, that's what I want. Is it too much to ask for? I don't think so! Until I meet that man who's going to meet all my expectations I'm going to stay single. I can't keep getting my heart broken because when I really like a guy I can't help but show it. I tend to fall for a guy deeply when I do. I've promised myself to stop falling easily for guys and to stop trusting them because men can really lie when they want something from you. Some men are serious trash and don't deserve my time or attention. 

Relationships in University

This post is coming very late because I was supposed to post it in February in time for Valentine's Day but I couldn't and I've been procrastinating about this blog. I didn't know how people would react to my blogs and I didn't think anyone would read them but so far I've been getting good views. This gives me the go ahead to post more. If you're in university and you're a relationship right now or have been in a relationship, or you're thinking about being in a relationship with someone soon this will be helpful. I know this because I wish I had this advice when I was going into relationships whilst at uni.

In university, you will meet so many people from different backgrounds and meet many different characters. Some you share interests with and others you don’t. At times it can be hard especially if you are an introvert it can be difficult to fit in to a big crowd.. I went into university as an introvert and didn’t have a lot of friends, however I started to become more sociable and came out of my shell a bit more from the first year, especially during freshers and this helped me to meet some great people.

It seemed to me that most of my friends quickly met guys and got into relationships with them. It can be really hard being in that kind of environment at uni, especially being away from friends and family back home. When everyone has got someone and you haven’t you really feel it. Especially in first year it can be so difficult settling in and having someone to talk to, hold on to, and shower you with affection can be great.

I think people get so wrapped up in all of this because of the university stereotypes about relationships. It is a common saying that most people meet their soulmate at uni or before 21, and you’re most likely to get married to them. There’s even statistics to back that up. The Student Room website from tsrmatters.com says that ‘one fifth of British students meet the love of their life on campus and the research revealed that 20% of British students meet the loves of their life on campus.’ Now with statistics like these it can be understandable as to why people are so eagerly searching for love.

I was in a relationship however my partner was in London and we wasn’t able to spend time together until I was back in London for the holidays. This really took a toll on me especially with my thought process. I started to think maybe I was wasting my time. Maybe it would be better if I met someone in my uni so I could see my boyfriend whenever I wanted, however after a while I started to see the ugly side to it all. I started to see that having a boyfriend around you all the time and having to spend every bit of your spare time with him can become straining on both of you. It is very necessary to have free time alone, and relying and depending on someone for your own happiness is unhealthy. Eventually I realised that all this relationship hype based around uni is a fantasy, not everyone’s story is a fairytale.

I think relationships formed in university can work and last but it’s up to you to make it last a long time. The strongest relationships are built on good communication, trust and respect. By this I mean you talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend every day and are open with each other. It’s not good to hide anything from each other, especially if you think it will affect your relationship. When something is bothering you, it’s okay to talk to your significant other about it. Make sure your partner understands every aspect of your relationship this is the only way you can help each other grow. When the communication stops, or isn’t as regular as before and you don’t see each other often, naturally your feelings for each other will be in jeopardy.

Recently there was a video released of an ex couple that were once in love although it seemed one sided and they finally faced eachother for the female in the relationship to understand what went wrong between them and why the man she loved cheated on her. Social media blew up as we watched Courtney cry her eyes out to her ex telling her that he cheated many times and there was nothing she could have done to prevent his behaviour. Many were on her side however made comments which included “Why didn’t she leave” “Couldn’t she see the signs” and other statements which made it clear that it was rather her fault the relationship didn’t work out.

This video was very distressing, however it once again confirmed to me how much a relationship can destroy you when it lacks certain elements. It didn’t put me off completely but I now vow to be very careful who I give my heart to and I hope anyone reading this does too as love is a very serious thing.

I hope this helps anyone wondering if having a relationship in uni is worth it. Don’t pressure yourself if it is meant to be it will be. Trust me, you don't wanna end up like that girl in the Hurt Bae video!

Third Year University Survival Tips

I promised to make this post a lot less professional like I usually do but I couldn't do it. I wanted to try out a more professional approach to see how you guys find it. Being a third year university student is hard enough without having to deal with personal issues with family and friends and a job if you have one. It can be hard to juggle personal life with assignments and trying to get on top of your work, especially if you want a high grade, for example a 2:1.

Hayley Blakelock writing for The Daily Touch couldn’t have summed up third year any better. ‘No one can deny that uni is stressful at times, but when you get to third year it’s a completely different ball game. You’d do anything to be that naive fresher you once were, partying and not having a care in the world about uni deadlines, exams, and jobs. This is what it’s really like to be a final year student.’

I’m in agreement with Hayley on that one! I always wish I could go back to first year so that I wouldn’t have to leave uni, and I could enjoy the perks of student life just that little bit longer. Unfortunately, all good things have to come to an end at some point.

I’m here to give you the real insight in to third year, and all the different experiences your going to need to be aware of. Believe me when I say university teaches you a lot of skills from education, to real life scenarios, and I’ve grown so much over the last four years, which I know wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t go. Now there’s no problem at all going to a uni in your hometown, however for me personally going somewhere far from home helped as it gave me the independence I was craving for.

Uni is definitely the best place to get first hand life lessons and learn how to survive in the ‘real world’. Let’s keep this between you and I but just a head’s up they are two completely different things!  Survival in the adult world is only possible if you apply what you have learn’t during this crucial time.

Right let’s jump into it…

Purpose

I don’t know about you but before I went to uni I had a lot of negative comments from school teachers telling me they didn’t think university was for me, which for me was them saying I wouldn’t make it to university. It’s these kind of comments that keep me so motivated now and pushed me to go in the first place. These doubts that were projected on to me gave me more motivation to work hard, get there, and prove them wrong. Uni can bring many difficult situations a lot of the time, and your integrity and beliefs will be challenged by so many, but you just have to block out any distractions and remember what you are there for.

Work Load

You get a lot more work to do in final year, including dissertations, or exams because it is worth two thirds of your final grade. Luckily, I didn’t have any exams in my third year, however that meant I had more assignments and a dissertation to do, which still isn’t easy. By third year mastering time management is very important because of the heavy work load. You don’t want to be panicking and not giving yourself enough time to finish assignments. Please learn from my mistakes and don’t start assignments last minute. Give yourself time to finish and perfect them, and if possible get feedback on drafts to improve. Always ask for help where required, and don’ feel ashamed if you don’t understand something, it’s best to ask in the beginning so that you aren’t lost half way through.

However leisure time takes up a lot of money, money which could be saved for life after uni.

Finances

Yes a social life is still important in third year and just because you are doing a dissertation, exams or final year project doesn’t mean you have to become anti-social.

The Independent, wrote an article ‘Final year at university isn’t as bad as people make out’. To be honest I agree with them to an extent because you get used to the work load after a while. Remember in first and second year when every party that came up your friends were begging you to go even if you really didn’t want to? Well finally third year can help you out with that! Having loads of work to do is always a good excuse for not going out, and if you have friends that are like-minded they will be doing the same or at least be understanding when you say ” Sorry guys I can’t I have too much to do.” Instead of going clubbing, try to have dinner nights in with your friends or go to house parties if you prefer, but don’t go to crazy. Balance your work with nights out so that you get the best of both worlds.

I would advise you to make sure you save as much money as possible during your time in university, because finding a job afterwards isn’t as straight-forward for everyone and there might come a time post uni when you need money to survive whilst you look for a job. This is something I wasn’t told before going to university and I had to learn the hard way.

Comfortabilty

I’m sure many of you have found where you are living by now as lectures have started. However there are always the few who leave it last minute and end up having to crash at a friend’s place. The Independent article I mentioned above also talked about housing. ‘After living in a hovel in second year, students tend to say no more. They embark on house viewings with determination and resolve – this time around they actually ask questions and barter over rents. The result? Third years land a proper house – one without damp or mysterious smells. Final-year students do more work, but at least they do it in a nicer environment.’ It is very key to live in a decent and comfortable environment in final year. This is the year where it all matters and have a disruptive home can really have an impact on your end result. Thankfully in my final year I lived in a very nice house. It was pretty decent, because we were all final year or masters students, that’s something I recommend! which meant that the house was quiet most of the time and we kept the house clean. If you are living uncomfortably right now, change it you’ll thank me later.

GRADUATION

The proudest day and the day you’ve been looking forward to is graduation day. My family and I were overwhelmed with joy and so proud of what I’ve achieved. I know you will be too on your graduation, which is why you need to work hard now so that it can all pay off.

I just want to leave you by saying third year can be one of the most fulfilling parts of your uni experience as you get to really focus on your course and just overall personal growth. However this is where all your skills will be tested so you have to make sure you do a good job at keeping everything under control. If you really want that first or 2:1. your going to have to work for it. You don’t want to regret not making the most out of your time at university, so have as much fun as you can, but don’t forget to work hard because if you stayed until third year it’s obvious that you want to do well.

New Year's Resolutions- My Tips To Make 2017 Great

This is coming a month later because we're in February but I'm writing it anyway because its never too late. 

How is 2017 going for you so far?

Have you been sticking to your New Years Resolutions?

Let me tell you about the three most common resolutions that people fail to keep lol!

Loosing weight / Keeping a healthy lifestyle

An article from the Guardian, on New Year’s Eve 2015 titled ‘How long do people keep their New Year resolutions?’ confirmed my point. ‘Getting healthier is a priority for many seeking to make a new year resolution’. Most people see the new year as a new beginning, therefore getting healthier or losing weight is part of that. Most women want to look good for their planned summer holidays, so that they can wear that bikini they’ve been dying to show off. Men equally want to show off their abs on the beach. My tip for making the best of your 2017 New Year resolutions when it comes to being healthier is to take things step by step rather than making drastic changes to your lifestyle because that doesn’t work as you find you can’t keep to them and end up going back to your old eating habits. My second tip for living a healthier lifestyle in 2017 is ditch the gym if you know you can’t stick to it and try to do exercises at home. YouTube has a lot of great home exercise videos. My top fave is  Scola Dondo she’s a great Youtuber who gives fitness tips, and DIY healthy food tutorials. This way you save money and time.

Getting good grades

Everyone says ‘new year, new me’ every new year, especially students, because most students see a new year as a new beginning in terms of achieving higher grades than the previous years.

I think this year we shouldn’t make resolutions but rather set ourselves goals we want to achieve by the end of the year. A friend of mine said last year that ‘we should set ourselves goals, not dreams because with goals we can actually achieve them, but dreams to her means we can’t achieve them’. This quote is so wise and has stuck in my mind ever since she said it, because I realised it was true. When we dream of something we set ourselves up for failure because dreams are not real. So, in 2016 I tried to set myself resolutions that I could achieve and when people asked me what they were I called them goals. One of them was to lose weight which is a resolution I always have every year and give up on, but this time I wanted to keep to it. I managed to keep to it even though it was on and off, because at certain times of the year I realised I lost weight but then I’d have bad days which turned into bad weeks and bad months and then I gained all the weight back.

Quitting smoking and drinking

Quitting alcohol and smoking are also some of the most common New Year’s resolutions for everyone, not just university students. However, uni students consume a lot of alcohol and cigarettes and this is mainly due to peer pressure. A lot of students drink a lot of alcohol and smoke because of stress of assignments and exams. My tip for quitting alcohol is to do it bit by bit. If you used to drinking alcohol three days a week, cut that down to one a week and if your used to smoking 20 cigarettes a day, cut that down to 10 a day. Don’t do everything at once because you’ll end up craving it again. It’s all about your mind set. Most students are very determined people which means once you set yourself a goal you want to make sure you achieve it.

I hope I’ve shed a light on what I think about New Year’s resolutions, whilst also giving you facts about New Year’s resolutions to back up my thoughts. I also hope that my tips have helped you.

Tips on How To Buy Christmas Presents for Students

I know how difficult it is as a university student from personal experience, not even a student in general to buy Christmas gifts because things out there are so expensive! Especially when you’ve got family and friends with expensive taste. I don’t know about you but personally this year I’ve decided to only get presents for family friends and family because it saves me a lot of money and I don’t have to worry about giving presents to friends who may not like the present I give them. Obviously, they won’t say they don’t like what you got for them but some of my friends don’t have poker faces, so you can tell by their facial expression that they don’t really appreciate your present. But they take it anyway in kindness and love for you.

Trust me when I say that I understand the struggle and the thought process you go through to buy a Christmas present. You don’t want it to be too expensive but at the same time you don’t want to look like a cheap skate. I understand your thoughts, I felt the same way and think the same things too. I thought it was wrong to think that way but it’s not, everyone does. 

Let me tell you a little story and an example of where I had to do this. So, last two years was the first time I had to properly think about Christmas presents for my immediate family. I literally did it so last minute, just a bit over a week before Christmas day, so I was panicking, going around Argos to look for everything for all three members of my family which wasn’t easy, because they have different preferences. I don’t know how but miraculously I managed to find presents for them in an hour. I luckily put a bit of thought into what my family would want and looked them up online on my phone. I didn’t need to put so much pressure on myself but I had to go to another Argos location which is almost an hour away by bus.

The moral of that story is don’t give yourself such limited time and make sure you don’t have to travel too far to purchase Christmas presents. I shared that story because it might help you reading who’s never really shopped for Christmas presents, with your own money. I should mention this was also the first time I spent my own money on Christmas presents as it was my first year in uni and obviously, student finance loan helped a lot.

Once again, thank you for reading this blog and I hope this helped you who might be new to shopping for Christmas presents. I also want you to be relieved with the fact that it can be stressful but you don’t have to make it stressful. You can make the process a lot easier. Just please, please, please plan ahead of time!

My faith with God. How has my faith changed over a period of time?

So my blog has started in very personal way. I'm rethinking whether it should stay that way because they don't seem to be getting the right feedback or reaction that I was hoping they would.

This blog is gonna be about my faith with God and how I struggled with it at times so it's not as personal as my other blog posts are. I'm hoping that this touches and helps someone one there struggling with their faith with God to know that you're not alone. I've dealt with this several times and I'm steal dealing with trusting God fully and knowing that he knows what's best for me.

I've always been a Christian all my life and my family were born and brought up as Christians. However, I'm human and sometimes I get challenged and conflicts where my faith is questioned. For example, when I was younger I always used to wonder why my friends would always be going out and partying and be cool and I wasn't. Also I wasn't really allowed to because parties meant me potentially getting up to bad things like drinking alcohol or even smoking. I would never do any of those two things at that age. I'm talking around 13 years old. I personally didn't even want to be drinking booze or smoking because it just wasn't my thing.

Aside from the fact that my religion frowns upon getting drunk or even drinking at a tender age and smoking was even more of a no go area. Another thing I battled with and even thought about getting involved in because I just wanted to fit in was dating. As in getting into a relationship with A BOY! First of all the sight of boys made me sick and I highly disliked boys when I was around 13, with exception of my brother. I loved my brother and I still do but I just didn't like other boys. That's probably partly because I went to an all girls school until I was 16 so I just wasn't used to being around boys. It was so bad that I even told my babysitter at the time that I wanted to be a nun when I was about 11 or 12 which horrified her because she'd make jokes about hooking me up with her son.

Anyway, so I was a very innocent and naive child and didn't know much about those 'worldly' things I just mentioned. I was of the belief that I'm not of this world and I'm precious and holy and a child of God and therefore I shouldn't be getting myself involved with what most kids my age would see as normal.

Then suddenly when I turned about 14, from then I started being rebelling a little bit and that was pretty normal because teenagers do rebel. I started going to parties and talking about boys and being interested in boys. At some point I started thinking there was something wrong with me. This is because I'm from a culture and background where rebelling as a child isn't something you're allowed to do. At least for me personally.

Progressing onto currently how my faith has grown, as I'm now older and in university my faith has been challenged even more. Because of the influence of friends who drink, smoke and hook up with different guys which I've had to realise and come to terms with the fact that its normal at least in a university environment. That's what is trending for students and its a sad thing to admit but that's the reality of it. I did at some point go completely crazy and I mean I started getting on the band wagon and also doing these things. I went crazy! Even more than I did when I was a teenager. I mean, that time it wasn't even that bad. It was just normal teenager strops but this time it got to the point where I needed prayer, like I needed deliverance. I won't go into details of the specific things I was doing but it was bad. Really bad! I knew it wasn't me and those things I was doing weren't me but I still kept doing them.

That's when my family literally delivered me. Like I had to have deliverance from someone from church. That's how serious it was. I think you guys reading probably think 'oh it can't have been that serious!' Nah it was because it was as if I was possessed by the devil or at least some kind of satanic being because it was too bad.

Anyway, thank God and I'm so greatful to the good woman of God who helped me and didn't judge me like everyone else because now I feel I'm at a better place with my faith than I've ever been. My faith has definitely grown even stronger. I can now be real with God and actually speak to him like yoiu would to your father or your friend, knowing that He is always free and open to listen and will NEVER judge me for my mistakes because I'm human, I'm not perfect.

Thank you guys so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog and I hope this has helped someone out there who's going through this right now.

Love,

Roberta